If it's too good to be true....

does that go for people too? Today has been a day for thinking. I received a lovely gift today from a special friend, and it made me think. Then CD is here now and it made me stop and think too, about things in my life. I then started to think about the saying of "If it's too good to be true...it probably is"...and I wondered if people were in that too. CD seems to be a wonderful man...okay not seems to be...he is...or he's learning and he wants to be and he trying REAL hard to be. He's outside at the moment sanding a dresser so that he or I can paint it and make it appear the way I want it to be. He would do ANYTHING for me...but that scares me.

I've been on my own now for almost 6 years and I'm sorta kinda stuck in my ways. I asked him today if he noticed that I can be hardheaded where some things are concerned. He laughed and said...SOME???? Okay...okay.....more then some...but you have to understand in the past whatever I said or thought was of NO concern...it didn't matter. And now that I've been on my own for the last few years...I've been able to do what I want to do...withOUT worrying what someone else would say.

My fear is that I'll be too hardheaded and I won't take his thoughts and feelings into play. I believe the longer we're on our own, the more we think, it's MY way or the highway. I want to break this mold...but I'm also in the mind set that I REFUSE to be hurt again, so I try to act like NOTHING hurts me....WRONG. Today after CD and I talked...I told him about something that happened to me when I arrived at work one day....that I haven't told him before...and he grabbed me and hugged me...and I looked at him like WTF???? I'm okay...nothing happened, and he said....but something could have...and I said....well yeah, but it didn't.

And then we started to talk about my Mama....and I started to cry. I am such a wimp! I let the thought run thru my head about grieving someone that you've lost and I wondered how long does it take to get over it....and then as I was crying, I wondered if I would EVER get over it. How long DO you have to be strong? I'm afraid that if I keep trying to be strong, that I will be looked at as being cold hearted and unfeeling. And I don't know which is worse...cold-heartness or unfeeling.

On that happy note...CAROLINA TARHEELS won their game today....LOL! So see I DO have SOME joy in my life....LMAO! All joking aside...I do have wonderful times in my life. My kids are healthy...I'm healthy...and CD is back from Kuwait. I have wonderful friends who I KNOW I can count on in a crisis. So I guess I should SD&STFU!