does that go for people too? Today has been a day for thinking. I received a lovely gift today from a special friend, and it made me think. Then CD is here now and it made me stop and think too, about things in my life. I then started to think about the saying of "If it's too good to be true...it probably is"...and I wondered if people were in that too. CD seems to be a wonderful man...okay not seems to be...he is...or he's learning and he wants to be and he trying REAL hard to be. He's outside at the moment sanding a dresser so that he or I can paint it and make it appear the way I want it to be. He would do ANYTHING for me...but that scares me.
I've been on my own now for almost 6 years and I'm sorta kinda stuck in my ways. I asked him today if he noticed that I can be hardheaded where some things are concerned. He laughed and said...SOME???? Okay...okay.....more then some...but you have to understand in the past whatever I said or thought was of NO concern...it didn't matter. And now that I've been on my own for the last few years...I've been able to do what I want to do...withOUT worrying what someone else would say.
My fear is that I'll be too hardheaded and I won't take his thoughts and feelings into play. I believe the longer we're on our own, the more we think, it's MY way or the highway. I want to break this mold...but I'm also in the mind set that I REFUSE to be hurt again, so I try to act like NOTHING hurts me....WRONG. Today after CD and I talked...I told him about something that happened to me when I arrived at work one day....that I haven't told him before...and he grabbed me and hugged me...and I looked at him like WTF???? I'm okay...nothing happened, and he said....but something could have...and I said....well yeah, but it didn't.
And then we started to talk about my Mama....and I started to cry. I am such a wimp! I let the thought run thru my head about grieving someone that you've lost and I wondered how long does it take to get over it....and then as I was crying, I wondered if I would EVER get over it. How long DO you have to be strong? I'm afraid that if I keep trying to be strong, that I will be looked at as being cold hearted and unfeeling. And I don't know which is worse...cold-heartness or unfeeling.
On that happy note...CAROLINA TARHEELS won their game today....LOL! So see I DO have SOME joy in my life....LMAO! All joking aside...I do have wonderful times in my life. My kids are healthy...I'm healthy...and CD is back from Kuwait. I have wonderful friends who I KNOW I can count on in a crisis. So I guess I should SD&STFU!
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6 comments:
If you had never known great love, well, you'd have nothing to grieve . . . and the reverse is true too . . . if grief hadn't put that hole in your heart, if you'd lived without heartbreak and pain . . . how would you recognize love and know the feeling of joy?? . . . the circle of life!
Hardheaded (and oh yeah you are!!!) is nowhere near the same thing as coldhearted!!! That you could never be!
Sounds like a good man and a smart one.
You will never always agree, will probably fight once in a while but it appears he knows you well.
Relax and enjoy him and his company.
S.
I wanted to wait until your birthday to wish you the happiest of all years ahead ... and what a start! To be able to celebrate with someone who knows just what a gem he has ... remember, with gemstones, the harder the stone, the better the quality :) And isn't it wonderful that sometimes good things really do happen to very good people!!
Damn, Ginger... made me cry on this one. IF anyone deserves some honest good happiness, it is you! I hope you find it this time around.
Dang it DTF...do NOT cry....smile :D
Ginger ~ I think you have a keeper! AND I think he has a keeper! May you share decades of laughter, happiness, love, and screeching monkey sex!
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